What's a TCK?

She runs through the living room one Saturday morning with her skirt and pom-poms shouting, "Howdy, Bonjour!  Howdy, Bonjour!"

The next Saturday she is eating breakfast in her Korean hanbok.

And the next Saturday she dresses her doll up in a matching Chinese qi pao.


 


She asks questions like, "Did you know in England they call the trash "rubbish" and the trashcan the "bin"?

And, "My ballet teacher was wearing a Buddha necklace today, should we pray for her?"

And, "Can I use chopsticks tonight, please?"

She can identify more flags, speak more Chinese, and has more friends from more countries at age 6 than I do at age... well, you know.

She's a Third Culture Kid (TCK) in the making.

I don't know a lot about TCKs, but I've been to trainings, and seminars, and read books, and have done some research, and what I have learned... I have found interesting and beneficial, and maybe you will, too.

Or maybe when you see my daughter again after 2 years and she randomly speaks to you in a British accent or she melts down just because you want to take her picture, you will have a slight glimpse as to why... and you can politely tell her you will put the camera away for another day... in your awesome British accent. :)

TCK DEFINED
 
“A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture."
 
The way I understand the term "Third Culture Kid" is the first culture is the child's passport country (The States), the second culture is the child's current country (China), and the third culture is the international culture (in Emily's case; the international school consisting of many cultures who have all left their passport countries (1st culture) to come to China (2nd culture) and can relate to the international experience (3rd culture).
 

• Citizenship-Child's passport country
• Geography-Everywhere she's lived
• Relational-Relates to others who grew up internationally and shares a similar experience

Once a TCK, always a TCK.  TCKs have relationships to many cultures, but do not have full ownership to any.
 
Family becomes "Home".
 
*Belonging is NOT geographical, it's RELATIONAL, and that is KEY!
*Unless you are a TCK yourself, your family is "cross-cultural".
*Your developmental years tell you what "normal" is.
 
THE EVOLUTION OF A TCK
 
a.) Cultural Sponge
     -soaks up the culture
b.) Cultural Chameleon
    -can blend in with the culture as much as a foreigner possibly
     can
c.) Hidden Immigrant
   -look like they belong, but they don't
d.) The Global Citizen
   -accepts that Hidden Immigrant isn't bad and can thrive in any
    country.
   -globally fit
   -many TCKs never reach this stage
 
*Emily is definitely at the Cultural Sponge stage---such a fun stage!
 
BENEFITS OF BEING A TCK
 
-global acceptance
-rich friendships
-less prejudicial
-language development-can often understand languages they don't even
 speak
-belonging is based on relationships
-international education
-gifted observers
 
CHALLENGES OF BEING A TCK
 
-cultural identification-how do I identify?
   -legally you are American, culturally you are a TCK
-extended family relationships
-grief/loss-experience friends leaving often
-sense of place
-developmental fall backs
-educational gaps
 
*Your child's home culture is YOU!
 
WHAT THEY NEED FROM YOU
 
-Become a "History Teacher"--tell them about YOU!
-Study, understand, and accept TCK issues.
-Make a distinction between "culture" and "citizenship".
-Preserve primary passport country.
-Help them answer the question, "where are you from"? (True but
 short answer.)
-Ask them questions!

Want to learn more?  Go to:  www.libbystephens.com .


I'll leave you with just a "strolling through the mall" conversation Emily had with my friend, Amber recently:

Amber:  "Wouldn't it be cool if you continued taking Chinese and you became bilingual, speaking 2 languages?"
Emily:  "I already speak like 8 languages."
Amber:  "You do!?  What are they?"
Emily:  "English, Spanish, American, Chinese, Korean, TEXAN, British, and um....CUTE!"

Adios for now.  :)

it's not goodbye, but zai jian

Between the time I committed to this China journey and the time I hopped on a plane to China (minus the 2 week orientation), I had 6 weeks... 6 weeks to pack up my house, pack up a classroom, get rid of my things, and to say goodbye to friends and family who had been such a huge part of my life.  And that was hard.  I had so many people to see and not enough time.  I scheduled as many lunches, dinners, and coffee dates as I could.  I arranged a "goodbye party", so people could come to me when I just couldn't go to them.  It was hard to leave you friends and family, and frankly I can't wholeheartedly say that I know what it feels like to be "left behind".  Because I was the leaver, not the leftee...Though it was hard, I was hopeful, because I knew there was a pretty good chance I'd see you again one day.  And for a lot of you, that one day is in just a few short weeks!!  Man, am I excited!
 
And here I am again...the "leaver".  And last night, I attended another "goodbye party".  This party was...  so good, so encouraging, uplifting, enjoyable, but oh so hard all at the same time. It was a different kind of hard than before.  I've known these people for less than 2 years, yet it feels like a lifetime.  There's something about living, working, eating, and breathing with Christians day in and day out that challenges you... well challenged me...stretched me, and grew me beyond measures. But believers, expats, friends who have become family, facing this "goodbye" was a different kind of hard because we have this bond... this "If we were in the States, I'm actually not sure we would have chosen to be friends... but over here, I need you and you need me" bond.  And the "I know you're not perfect, but His grace is sufficient, and so is mine" bond.  And the "call me, Skype me, text me, knock on the door unexpectedly anytime" bond.  The "what's mine is yours" bond.  The "I'll come to you" bond. And the "We're all in this together" bond. This "goodbye" is a different kind of hard because frankly, I don't know when I'll see you again.  I don't know if I'll be back... and if I am, I'm not sure you'll still be here.

But this is not goodbye.

I want to leave you with these words.  I said them last night at the goodbye party and I want to say them again.

" I wish I could personally thank each of you for all you have done, but  I’m certain I wouldn’t be able to stop.  If you provided meals during my recovery, I thank you.  If you carried me up the stairs or down the stairs, I thank you.  If you prayed for us, hung out with my daughter, or asked if I needed anything, I thank you. If you opened your home to us, cooked us a meal, or invited us out to dinner, I thank you.  If you donated to the cost of airfare, hotel stays, and the exercise bike… I didn’t have to pay a single mao… and I thank you.   I can say with all sincerity that I have learned something from every single one of you. I am an observer, a people watcher, and I’ve watched you, and I’ve learned from you.  The way you love your students, I learned from you.  The way you interact with the Chinese, I learned from you.  The way you treat your spouse, raise your children, love your roommate, I learned from you.  The way you respect and respond to authority, I learned from you.  The way you disciple, mentor, and lead people, I learned from you.  The way you interact with parents and the SYIS community, I learned from you. The way you love God and love people, I learned from you. 

In just a few short weeks, as far as I know, we are heading back to where we were….  Same church, same house, same community, and possibly the same school.  We are going back to where we were, but not to who we were.  God has used each of you to shape and mold us, to cultivate our character, widen our perspectives, broaden our horizons, to learn what it means to serve and to be served, to love and to be loved.  And for that, I thank you, we thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

This is not goodbye, but Zai jian… which simply means "see you again" .  If not on this side of heaven, we’ll see you on the other.  We love you guys!"

faith in the middle

Below is my devotion this morning.... if you are embracing (or struggling to embrace) the storm, hope this encourages you today!

FAITH IS FOR THE MIDDLE

"And a furious storm of wind arose, and the waves kept beating into the boat, so that it was already becoming filled.  But He was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they awoke Him and said to Him, Master, do you not care that we are perishing?  Mark 4:37-38

The disciples probably were not nearly as excited in the middle as they may have been in the beginning.  Although God often calls us to launch out to a new destination, He usually does not let us know what is going to happen on the way to it.  We leave the security of where we are and start out for the blessings of the other side, but it is often in the middle where we encounter the storms.  The middle is often a place of testing.  The storm was in full force, and Jesus was asleep!  Does that sound familiar?

Have you ever had times when you felt that you were sinking fast-- and Jesus was asleep?  You prayed and prayed and heard nothing from God.  You spent time with Him and tried to sense His Presence, and yet you felt nothing.  You searched for an answer, but no matter how hard you struggled against the wind and waves, the storm raged on-- and you didn't know what to do about it.

This storm the disciples found themselves facing was no little April shower or harmless summer squall, but a storm of hurricane proportions.  The waves were not gently rolling and tossing; they were beating into the boat with such fury that it was quickly becoming filled up with water.  It is at times like this, when it looks as if the boat is sinking with us in it, that we must "use" our faith.  We can talk about faith, read books about it, hear sermons about it, sing songs about it; but in the storm, we must use it.  It is also at such times when we discover just how much faith we really have.

what is your cup?

I am currently reading The Good and Beautiful God--FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE GOD JESUS KNOWS.

The author, James Bryan Smith, takes many of the false narratives and skewed views that many people have about God and compares them to Jesus' narratives about God, His Father.  After all, if anyone knows God well, it's Jesus.

How though, did Jesus view God as GOOD and BEAUTIFUL when he was on that cross?  When he was sweating blood?  When he was asking if there was any other way?  How in that moment did he TRUST God?

Jesus cries, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

He obviously does not want to endure the cross, but He does it because He trusts His Father.

The author defines a "cup" as anything that we struggle with accepting as our lot in life.  Our cup is usually the thing that makes it difficult to believe God is good.

Jesus' "cup" was the cross.  Some days my "cup" is singleness or single motherhood.  Today my "cup" is my health--nothing big like a broken leg, just several little things. 

It's easy to believe God is GOOD when things are good.  But what about the times we wonder, "isn't there any other way?"  "Can't you take this cup?

It helps to know, to really grasp, that Jesus UNDERSTANDS.  The author states, "Like Jesus, I faced something that conflicted with my own desires."

He then proceeds to share Thomas Smail's interpretation of what Jesus went through in the garden of Gethsemane, and how he was able to trust God in the midst of his pain:

The Father that Jesus addresses in the garden is the one that he has known all his life and found to be bountiful in his provision, reliable in his promises and utterly faithful in his love.  He can obey the will that sends him to the cross, with hope and expectation because it is the will of Abba whose love has been so proved that it can now be trusted so fully by being obeyed so completely.  This is not legal obedience driven by commandment, but trusting response to known love.

The author closes with:  Our relationship to the Father is a "trusting response to known love."  Jesus knew he was loved by his Father and was therefore able to trust him through the pain.  The reason Jesus could trust God in his darkest hour is because he had lived closely with his good and beautiful Father for all eternity.  I now see how love that has been proved can be trusted even when things don't make sense.  So when I encounter a world full of tsunamis and child molesters, airplane crashes and methadone-addicted moms, I don't try to force myself to say all is well.  Rather, I say, "Jesus trusted his Abba, and I will also trust in the God I know to be good."

 

Choosing to trust God with my "cups" today.  Not my will, but yours.

What is your "cup"?

qipaos and stockings

Other than when my mom came to visit, I haven't really gotten into "getting things made" here.  I should have.  It's super easy, pretty cheap, and tailored to fit just right -- most of the time!

I thought it would be fun to get a qipao (pronounced "chee-pow"-a Chinese-style dress) made for me, and a matching one made for Emily and her doll... much cheaper than buying the matching American Girl Doll outfits!  So, during Spring Break, we went and picked out the fabric, got measured, paid our dues, and have been waiting patiently for the finished product.

Emily's Doll (also named Emily) getting measured for her qipao

Emily makes friends very quickly here!

Today, only 9 days later, they were ready for pick-up!  This was so fun to do and I'm so glad we did it.  We can't wait to wear them next year to the Chinese New Year Festival at Chinatown in Austin.  How I never knew there was a Chinatown in Austin is beyond me, but I am so excited to have discovered it!

Emily was well-pleased!

I just love it!

Had to have my black and red!

But, that's not all!  A teacher friend (who went with us) had previously had Christmas stockings made out of qipao fabric, and I loved the idea so much, I had to do it, too!  I love how they turned out!

Don't you love 'em?

China... you will forever be a part of us... even in Texas!

stressed...how do i deal?

Looking at the big picture is... overwhelming, kinda scary, and putting it lightly... stressful.

9 weeks of school left, parent-teacher conferences, observations, departure seminar, birthday parties, baby showers, goodbye parties, birthday parties, goodbye dinners, filing taxes from china, goodbye play dates, birthday parties, packing up, dealing with insurance companies... still,  garage sale, birthday parties, kindergarten graduation, job applications, making decisions, summer plans, hopping on airplanes...all in 9 weeks.

The big picture stresses me out.  No hiding it, no pretending that I have it all together, it's a heavy load.  And how am I going to deal with it?

A box of chocolate and Friends re-runs only get me so far... then further behind.

Plans and ideas to deal:

1. Make a plan.  Lesson plans, Dinner plans, Party plans...  my calendar is always with me.
2. Lists---lots and lots of lists.  I am currently making a weekly list, and checking things off as I go is so liberating!
3. Prioritize...what's most important?
4. Say no... what isn't as important?  Sure, I'd love to do it all, but I can't.. so where can I say no?
5. Look at the big picture... then narrow it down... take it one week or even one day at a time.
6. Find an outlet... mine used to be running until the doctor said no more... so I'm still working on this one...  just bought some new Pilates videos I'm trying to get into.
7. Massage, massage, massage...  $8 a massage... why not get one every week?
8. Vent... I used to be the "I have it all together" type... but that adds even more stress, in my opinion.  I have a couple of ladies I meet with weekly to vent, share what's going on in my life and to pray for me and with me.  I can't do it all on my own!
9. Dig in to The Word.  I know the busier I get, the less likely I am to get into The Word, but it's times like this I need to most!  I want to make this a priority.
10. Embrace every moment.... look for the good in every situation.  Find my "attitude of gratitude".
11. Help others who are stressed!  "You reap what you sow."
12. Remember..."This too shall pass."

Are you stressed?  How do YOU deal?  I'd love your ideas!

easter fun

Our Easter weekend was busy, busy, fun-filled, and a great time of remembering our Savior.

Earlier in the week, a fellow teacher asked us to come over and dye eggs with her.  The smallest traditions feel like such a big deal to me here.  We were so excited about this and had lots of fun doing it!  Thanks, Anna!

On Good Friday, Joy came to stay with us for the day, and I had asked Anna if we could have the remainder of the egg dye. :)  We started the day by decorating and dying more boiled eggs.

Emily and Joy are coloring their eggs before dying them.

Dying Eggs

Emily

Joy

 

Very proud!

After dying eggs and playing for a bit, we headed to the park.  Afterwards, we went over to Kirstin's house to decorate sugar cookies!

Joy and Emily decorating sugar cookies shaped like a purse,
high heel, and dress!  Right up Emily's alley.
Of course, they decorated some Easter shaped ones, too!

It was a busy day for these girls!  It was fun to share some of our simple traditions with Joy.  She really enjoyed it and loved the sugar cookies!

Saturday was also a busy day!  After ballet and lunch with Emily's friend, Megan, we head to an... Easter Carnival?  The International Club hosted Easter Activities, a clown show and an Egg Hunt.  It's exciting to find these things going on in China!

Playing Pass the Egg.

She's trying so hard not to drop that egg.
It's all up to her!

Candy Walk

Playing Pin the Egg in the Basket.

Making an Easter card for her Mom. :)

Retelling the Easter Story with plastic eggs
and Jelly Beans!

All the kids watching the clown show.

Check out that hat!

 

The clown must have been making the large black gun
balloon because Emily isn't raising her hand.

Can you spot Emily raising her hand?  It's been up for at least
20 minutes.  I told her to wait until the clown came around,
but she insisted that hand raising was the way to go.

This clown has PATIENCE!

After an hour of waiting, she finally got her balloon!!
I  turned around for 2 seconds and she had gone to trade
it in for an orange seahorse instead.  I liked the heart! :)

Counting her eggs... she was only allowed to get 5. :)

Happy with her 5 eggs. :)

Easter Sunday was another day of fun, food and fellowship!

Emily woke up at 5:30 a.m. and spotted an Easter Egg next to her bed... so we were up egg hunting at the crack of dawn!

Emily woke up at 5:30 a.m. to go egg hunting!

100 RMB!  That Easter Bunny sure is a nice guy. ;)

Look at all those eggs!

Retelling the Easter Story with a timeline she made at school.

Emily helped make colored deviled eggs for our Easter potluck
that evening.

Emily, Lily, and Belle playing on Easter Day.

 

Belle and Emily reunited for the first time since
Belle had to return to the orphanage.
We miss this girl!

The Easter Story in a nutshell.

He is risen! Happy Easter!