PRIORITIES
Being a parent means sacrificing my minutes, my hours, my days, and my life for my daughter. I very rarely think of it as "sacrifice" because I absolutely love being a mommy to my sweet Emily. And though I often wonder "why", I am honored that my Father entrusted me, for the time being, to do this as a single... which often means... more sacrifice.
Other than following and obeying my Creator, being Emily's mommy is my priority. This means being home early on school nights, so Emily can get 8 hours of sleep. Staying in when I'd rather go out. Taking her to the park when I'd rather stay in. Putting down the computer to play another game of Candy Land. Getting up extra early to make that lunch I forgot to make the night before. Choosing to fix her hair instead of mine... because we only have time to do one today. So many small things, that I often overlook as sacrifice, and just naturally do them because I am her mommy and because I love her.
But in the Philippines, I was challenged and stretched a lot in this area. We had 10 days. 10 days to learn as much as we could, to experience as much as possible, to serve as hard as we could. I wanted to soak up every minute because I knew those minutes would be gone in a heartbeat. I also wanted Emily to learn and experience as much as she could. I desired for her to learn to serve so much, that I was focusing so much on what I wanted her to do rather than what she really needed.
Day 3... I will never forget Day 3. Day 3 reminded me that above everyone else... even the hungry, and the poor, and the broken... that I am first called to serve Emily. And I spent most of Day 3, doing only that.
GRACE
Our Philippines trip was pretty laid back in the sense that Emily and I had many options to serve everyday and we could choose to serve wherever we felt lead, whenever we wanted, most of the time. Our days were usually pretty full and we were able to serve at 3-4 places a day.
However, on day 3, we went to a school first thing in the morning and met the kindergarten class and taught them some songs, and made new friends. It was a lot of fun and I was really encouraged and motivated by the experience, and was excited for the rest of the days plans.
I had several things in mind and a couple of them were going to be our only opportunity to serve at these places while we were there. But by mid-morning, Emily was already fading. The heat, the culture, and the busyness of the first 2 days was catching up, and she was beginning to meltdown. We ended up missing EVERYTHING I had planned and even ended up going to one of the places and leaving immediately after because of meltdowns. We spent most of the day in our room with ants and no AC. The entire day consisted of meltdowns, tears, sweat and frustration on both her end and mine.
I showed her very little grace that day. I felt like it was a wasted day. I laid in bed that night, feeling defeated and feeling guilty because I did not respond to her with grace and mercy, but with frustration and irritability. As I laid there, beating myself up, my Savior reminded me that yes, Emily deserves grace, and that "His grace is sufficient for me", too.
I was overwhelmed by His grace. He gave me grace. He allowed me to receive His grace. And showed me how to give His grace to Emily the rest of the trip. I am grateful that I learned that lesson that night, or it would have been a really long, miserable trip.
She was my priority the rest of the trip, lots of grace was given, and lots of grace was received.
HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE PHILIPPINES
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feeding the hungry  |
But these pics... they're a reminder. A reminder that, even here, in China... where we have to walk a lot, depend on public transportation, bag our own groceries, pay for our grocery bags, and squat to pee (even had to pay to squat to pee the other day!)... even here, we have it good. Very, very good.
gosh, isn't it hard sometimes for us realize that we need grace, too. i have to remind myself of that numerous days ... especially hard kid days.
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