what's it been like teaching my own child?

Oh man...  where should I start?  My expectations and reality had a crash collision right off the bat.  And to be honest, we've been off-roading all year.  Before I continue, I give the disclaimer that I understand that Emily (and I) have been (and still are) in transition.  She's experienced culture shock and adjustments and sharing her Mommy with 21 other students.  I get it...  that's hard.

And so is teaching that.  And coming home to that.  And rarely getting away from that.  We still have more awake awake! mornings than "rise and shine".  A lot of days "I've had it" before we even get out the front door.  And "it" follows me, "it" follows us. 

There have been meltdowns just because it's time for Writer's Workshop, or leg-grabbing and pulling because it's time for Ms. Jones to go to a meeting.  There's been sneaky "let's ask the teacher's aid" because "Ms. Jones" said, "No."  There's been kicking and screaming in the middle of the kindergarten carpet, while 21 other students are staring... with their ears covered... wondering why she's crying.  And none of us know...  not even Emily.

And what do you do when "changing your clip to yellow" is more punishment for me than it is discipline for her?  And "waiting until we get home" just recreates the scene all over again?  And "going to the bathroom" just doesn't work?

And then there's the evil temptation of comparing...  comparing her work, her progress with 21 other students.  Oh, that's such a dangerous temptation.  And it's been defeating.  And discouraging... when I allow the temptation to overtake me.  Her writing hasn't been "that great".  And she's not in my top 2 reading groups.  And math has been hard for her.  AND I'm her teacher.  The continuous cycle of evil temptation...  to wonder where I've gone wrong.

Man, it's been hard.  Yes, I've learned a lot about her, like I'd hoped I would.  Her learning styles, her strengths and weaknesses.  Her joys and her frustrations.  But man, I've learned the same about me.  My strengths and weaknesses...  joys and FRUSTRATIONS.  Frustrations I didn't know I had, frustrations I didn't know existed, frustrations I wish I'd never discovered...

TWO MOMENTS THAT HAVE MADE IT WORTH IT:

Last night, she wrote a sentence.  Without my help, without my inspiration.  All on her own.  Capital letter, spaces, in the lines, and with a period.  I cried.  I'm not kidding.  I cried.  You have no idea HOW HARD I, she, WE have been working on this.  And she did it.  She got it!

This morning...  at 7:30 a.m. ON A SATURDAY MORNING, on her own initiative, she got out her new Tinkerbell Math Flashcards that my sister just sent her. Math frustrates her.  BUT this morning...  she got her flashcards out of the box.  She (on her own initiative) used the addition strategy she hates, despises, and absolutely refuses to use in class...  and wrote all the answers on the back of the flashcards!  CORRECT answers I might add.

It may not seem big, but with the year we've had... IT'S HUGE.  And those 2 moments...  have made it all worth it!  And I'm clinging to that...