I came across some notes in my journal about "transition" from my first day of orientation right before moving here and I was honestly surprised at how well my first year lines up with these notes!
TRANSITION
"Stepping Into The Water" (Principals of Transition from the Jordan River Crossing-Joshua 3)
Life Transitions:
1. Going from a familiar place to a dangerous unknown...
2. Facing obstacles that seem impossible to overcome...
3. From the wilderness to the Promised Land
*I currently find myself in the middle of transition #3...leaving the wilderness and catching glimpses of the Promised Land.
Here is an example of one of the many transition models that were given to us... I feel this one nailed it for me.
Dashed Expectations--- Despair--- Bitterness/Anger--- Spiritual Crisis--- Blaming/Grumbling---Embrace God's Blessings---Acknowledge His Sovereignty---Set Your Face Against Rebellion---Go Deeper Into God---See The Unseen
Dashed Expectations
I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting coming to China... but I am sure that my reality and expectations did not line up... not even close.
During our new staff orientation, we were given this example of the importance of focusing on bringing our expectations and reality closer together:
The presenter had a GIANT, life-sized rubber band and 3 volunteers. The person in the middle of the rubber band represented "us". The person pulling one side of the rubber band represented "Reality" and the person pulling the other side of the rubber band represented "Expectations". Obviously, the further Reality and Expectations grew from each other, the more tension there was on the band... and believe me, the person in the middle of that GIANT thing was tense! ;) But the closer Reality and Expectations came together, the less tension there was on the rubber band, and the person in the middle was a lot more relaxed!
That visual has stuck with me this year and I have been really diligent in focusing on bringing the 2 together. I wish I could say the 2 have met in the middle... not quite there. But they are definitely walking toward each other.
Despair
In all honesty, I can say I went through this phase for a really, really LONG time. I endured more hopeless days that hopeful, more miserable than happy, and more dark than light.
Bitterness/Anger
I encountered multiple occasions where I was just angry and wasn't sure why. I found myself "on edge" a lot. "If the copier breaks one more time, well, I'm gonna..." "If one more Chinese person tells me my daughter is too cold even though she can barely move because of the numerous layers she has on, I'm gonna..." "If one more person touches her or takes her picture, or...., I'm gonna..." Okay, I was angry a LOT. Fortunately I never "I'm gonna anything", but my insides were boiling with anger and frustration on numerous occasions.
Spiritual Crisis
During the dark periods, I can run TO Him or FROM Him. And there were many times where everything in me wanted to run away. I went through streaks where I was just plain spiritually dry. I wanted to isolate, I wanted to go to sleep, I wanted to watch movies, I wanted to go home... I had to be intentional on getting out of the house, turning off the movie, and avoiding the bed.
Blaming/Grumbling
All my misery and unhappiness and hopelessness was everybody else's fault. I found myself complaining ALL THE TIME. And though, I was aware of it, it seemed I couldn't stop even if I tried. I went through a really long period where I felt like everything that came out of my mouth was negative. I consider myself to be a pretty optimistic person, but I didn't see that side of me much this year.
Embrace God's Blessings
I got to a point where I knew I had to redirect my focus. I really had to be intentional on focusing on the positive. I still do. It doesn't always come naturally, but I try to be really diligent in having an attitude of gratitude. When I notice that Emily and I are both being really negative, we will play the "Thank You For...Game" until we've named at least 10 things we are thankful for.
Acknowledge His Sovereignty
This one is HUGE for me. I am a big believer in the Sovereignty of God. And believing that He is Sovereign, knowing He is Sovereign, and looking back on how He opened doors and brought us here... there's no way I can deny His Sovereignty. Plus, you have to be a huge believer in the Sovereignty of God to endure those taxi rides time and time again!
Set Your Face Against Rebellion
I remember the day that this phase changed it all for me. I made the decision that nothing... NOTHING was going to stop us... maybe derail us, delay us, confuse us, frustrate us, but NOT stop us! There were definitely obstacles that stood in the way, caused a few detours and roadblocks, but "His mercies were new every morning". Because "if He is for me, then who can be against me?" (Rom. 8:31)
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| (Ephesians 6:13-17)---This verse is on our wall next to our dining room table... we've turned it into a rap song and we chant it often... it reminds me that we are constantly in a battle and we always need to be prepared. |
This is where I am now and I can't tell you how good if feels to FINALLY be here! Getting to know Him more and more everyday. Learning to listen a little better. Spending more time with Him. Feeling His Presence again.
See the Unseen
I know I am approaching this stage. I've gotten a glimpse... Today, I experienced this... just a little. I can reflect on a few "see the unseen" scenarios... And I have no doubt that those "glimpses" make it all worth it. When I feel defeated, those "glimpses" encourage me, inspire me, and help it all to kinda... "make sense". But I look forward to watching the unseen completely unfold before my eyes. I know it's comin'...
TRANSPARENCY
I wish I was that person... the one who moves overseas and has all the cool stories, makes remarkable differences, changes the world, and has it all together.
But that's not me... I'm the girl who cried more than I laughed, struggled more than conquered, and spent more time "surviving" than "thriving".
I was helped more than I actually helped, I learned more than I actually taught, and I was changed more than I actually changed.
TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS
Before moving to China, I had become extremely independent. In so many ways. Independence came naturally to me and it was a means of survival for us. But moving to China changed that. And boy was that hard!
The first couple of months were the hardest for me because my independence was completely stripped from me! I didn't know where to go to buy school lunches for Emily, or toilet paper, or water. And if I did, I wasn't really sure how to get there. And even once I got there, I needed help.
I was having to run errands and learn things when others were available to help me... on their time, not mine. I found myself calling people multiple times a day for help. And oh, I HATED IT!
Then there was learning to teach my own child amongst 20+ others, and learning how to grocery shop, and how to cook here, and how to get my child to eat, and how to kindly fight off the attention and the pictures, and how to communicate, and how to get from one place to another, and how to get to the school bus on time (it was so much harder than you think!), and how to teach 7 different cultures, and how to just plain SURVIVE!
There are several trials and tribulations that stick out to me, but the one that sticks out the most is our transition back from the Philippines Service Trip back in January. The trip was beyond incredible. Changed our lives, rocked my world.
But coming back to China after that trip was THE HARDEST THING I think I have ever experienced in my entire life. I don't think I can put into words what we experienced. Call it culture shock, or fatigue, or cultural overload, or over stimulation, or temperature shock, or.... JUST PLAIN UGLY works, too.
Switching cultures was hard. Very hard. And it wasn't something I thought I needed to prepare myself for. Going to the Philippines was fine, it was great, absolutely remarkable! But at the end of our trip... when we were to that point where we just wanted to come home and sleep in our own beds... and we got home... and home just didn't feel like "home"... that's when it hit. Hit HARD...
CHINA... our new normal, our new home, our new culture. Below freezing temps... after 10 days of swimming in the hot sun. It was a tough pill to swallow.
We didn't leave the house for three days. We tried. We got on our 50 layers, stood at the door, tears streamed down our faces, I text my friends and told them we weren't coming, we turned around and went back to the couch. We did this FOR THREE DAYS.
For some reason, I could not get out that door and face our new normal. It was everything but normal to us. Everything but home. And, well, it was stinkin' COLD.
But every morning... His mercies were new.
TRICKS & TRADES
Everything was chicken--The only way I could get Emily to eat anything was to tell her it was chicken! Otherwise, the poor girl would have starved. Thankfully, we are past that now. ;)
Reward the Behavior I Want--Emily acted out a lot in the beginning... at home and in class. So, rather than focusing on the negative attention, I rewarded the behavior I wanted. Praised her for doing the right things, used sticker charts and reward systems... anything to focus on the positive!
Block the Picture--Emily gets her picture taken a LOT here. And she DOES NOT like it. Not one bit. Sometimes she is so rude about it, it's embarrassing. So rather than bringing attention to the situation, if I notice it before Emily does, I will intentionally stand in the way of the picture, so she can't see the camera and the camera can't see her.
Get In the Picture--Sometimes I miss the cue, and it's too late. So, depending on her mood, I will try getting in the picture with her if it seems she will be up for it. After all... her smile makes the Chinese smile. :)
Smile and Nod--Sometimes I know what people are saying to me, and I don't like it...so when I find myself on the verge of frustration, I force myself to smile and nod before reacting in a way I'll eventually regret.
"Ting Bu Dong" (Chinese for "I hear you, but I don't understand you.")--And other times, I understand, but I just don't want to... or know it would be better if I didn't understand... so... "Ting bu dong" it is.
TREATS
We treat ourselves here more often than we normally would in The States. Sometimes it's out of a complete search for comfort in this foreign place, something familiar, and sometimes it's just plain needed.
I usually get a 30 minute back massage EVERY WEEK. It keeps the stress down, it's a scheduled "me time", allows me to recharge... and it's only 8 BUCKS! :)
We order McDonald's a LOT. And they DELIVER! Yes, little guys on their bicycles with their mini-sized McDonald's refrigerator thingy on the back of their bicycle. They know my address... by heart. Hey Emily likes chicken nuggets, and I don't have to cook. Win-win.
There is a new foreign grocery store within walking distance from our apartment! It just opened a couple of months ago. It is very EXPENSIVE, so we don't go often. But if I absolutely NEED a Dr. Pepper or Emily NEEDS some Cheetos... we will head that way.
Though He is our ultimate Comforter, these small things temporarily comfort us when the "goin' gets rough".
TRAINS, TRIPS & TRAVEL
Trains, subways, taxis, buses, foot... these are our main means of transportation. When taking these, I always face the conflict of time vs. money. Obviously the cheapest way is the most time consuming and vise versa. What's my preference? Taxi... blink my eyes 10 times, we will be there, and we didn't see a thing! ;)
Trips and Travel have been an amazing contribution to our time in China. We are very blessed and fortunate that we have gotten to travel as much as we have and I am and always will be forever grateful!
Places we've been this year:
Beijing (October Break),
Harbin-Ice Festival (Christmas Break),
The Philippines-Service Trip (Chinese New Year),
Wuhan (Basketball Tournament),
Tianjin (Early Childhood Center),
Guanmenshan (Spring Break),
ShanHaiGuan-Great Wall (Summer Break),
The Botanical Gardens (Summer Break),
Qi Pan Shan (Summer Break)
TRAFFIC
So, we went from a little house in the country to an apartment in a city of about 7 million! From Texas Heat to the Frigid North. From a Public School to a Private School. And yes... I'm gonna go with TRAFFIC was probably one of our biggest adjustments!
99% percent of my prayers this year were probably thrown up when we were in the dead center of Shenyang traffic. And I honestly can't remember a time we haven't prayed before, during, after, (or all 3) when going out into the city.
The traffic is just... busy... and chaotic... It's an orderly chaos though... Just like Phoenix is a dry heat.
TRUTH
These are Truths that have inspired me, encouraged me, and allowed us to "keep on movin'"...
The Truth Is:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " (Jeremiah 29:11)
The Truth Is:
"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
The Truth Is:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
The Truth Is:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
The Truth Is:
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)
TREASURE
"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." (Matthew 6:20)
Here is a GREAT kid's song for teaching children about "Treasure in Heaven"!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VXoiDIORgk&feature=player_embedded
TRUST
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Despite all the trials and tribulations, the hardships, the darkness, and the challenges, we have also experienced glimpses of joy, we've learned a lot, grown a ton, and have been stretched beyond belief. At the end of the day, when I lay my head to my pillow, I have that "peace that surpasses all understanding" and I know He has me right where He wants me... and somehow... someway... that TRUMPS it all!
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Philippians 4 :12)
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