it's okay to...

NOT BE OKAY

"It's okay to not be okay," said a dear friend of mine.  What a freeing statement!  Seriously, consider the alternative, and this is Great News.

I once heard a grandmother on television tell her grandaughter, "The APPEARANCE of sanity is all that matters, dear."  And for my first few years as a mother, I truly believed this.  I walked around believing I had to prove myself to people; proving that I could handle things all on my own.  I didn't need anyone's help and I didn't need anything from anyone.  So, I put on my "everything's peachy" mask, convinced the world (in my mind) that I had everything figured out, and that I was always okay and always happy.  Again, the "appearance" was all that mattered, right?

After 3 years of doing this, it became exhuasting and emotionally draining.  I wasn't always okay, and I wasn't always happy.  I was very tired all the time, highly stressed, and quite lonely because I didn't know how to accept help and encouragement from people, therefore I was pushing them away.

The first time I took off my "mask" and admitted that I wasn't always ok, and that this life...  always pleasing and always pretending...  was hard, a HUGE weight was lifted.  I was gradually able to open up to people, be more real, and allow people into my life again.

  Mistake:  I was pretending to be someone I wasn't.
  Lesson:  It's okay to not be okay.  (In honor of all my new China friends:  It's okay to have a "yuck duck" day!)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  ~J.C.

ASK FOR HELP

Oh, this one was very, very hard for me to accept, and even harder for me to do.  I absolutely refused to let people know that I needed help.  I was given the role of "Super Mom" and I was determined to fulfill the role. 

My same dear friend (mentioned above), gave me permission to ask for help.  That's what I needed...  someone to push me out of my pride box.  She said, "You feel like asking for help is a weakness, but actually it's a strength.  It takes a lot of strength to admit you need help."

Even though I knew that it was okay, that it was healthy, and that He doesn't call us to live this life alone, in isolation...  it was still hard for me.  I took baby steps and slowly started accepting help from those who would offer.  Once that became a little easier, I slowly began asking people for help when I needed.

This has made my life a whole lot easier and more balanced, and He provides people who WANT to help exactly when I need it.

  Mistake:  I was trying to do things my own way in my own strength.
  Lesson:  It's okay to ask for help.

"For My strength is made perfect in your weakness."  ~J.C.

TREAT YOURSELF

For everyone (whether you're a parent or not), it's important to recharge.  As a single mom, spending money on myself always took me on a 'guilt trip.'  I felt like all my money and time should go toward my daughter.  I was always giving, but never taking anything in.  I eventually realized I had given so much, that I had nothing left to give.

After I learned that it's okay to not be okay, and that it's okay to ask for help, I eventually learned that it's okay (and necessary) to treat myself. 

This looks different for different people.  And it looks different for me depending on time, budget, and mood.  I try to get a massage once a month.  It helps relieve the stress and tension. I may go to dinner with a friend, or just get a sitter so I can simply take a 2 hour nap.

Doing this has helped reduce my stress level and has lead me to a more balanced lifestyle.

  Mistake:  I gave until there was nothing left to give.
  Lesson:  It's okay to treat yourself.

"Balance is a core value in life and every once in awhile we deserve to indulge in a guilty pleasure or two. So don't feel bad about straying from your goals every once-in-awhile and in fact, embrace it: eat the cookie and buy the shoes!"  ~Joyce Meyer