Being a 23 year old single mom is definitely not the norm at Texas State University. Though I didn't have "single mom" stamped on my forehead and there weren't red arrows surrounding my head, flashing the word "outcast", that's exactly how I felt... most of the time.
While the majority of my classmates went for a dive in the river between classes, I was taking my child to doctor's appoinments or waiting for the physical therapist to show up at my door. While my "study group" was meeting and cramming for exams at the library, I was sitting in a rocking chair, reading my notes, with one eye open, rocking a baby to sleep. While their nights consisted of parties, hanging out, and enjoying friends, my nights were awakened by cries and the obnoxious beeping of an apnea monitor. The only similarity was that the majority of my classmates never got any sleep, and neither did I... but for completely different reasons.
It was difficult to escape my constant state of comparing "my life" to "their life". I lived in a college town, almost all the housing was college housing, and everywhere I went, there was a crowd of college students.
Toward the end of my semester prior to student teaching, I began to question what I was doing. I was almost finished with school, and I wasn't all that excited. I was exhausted, emotionally drained, and doubted that I was cut out for "school" or for "teaching".
I had an Elementary Art Professor that semester who I just admired greatly. She made the point to write out a strength that she saw in each and everyone of us in my class... over 30 college students. She read them aloud to the class. It was encouraging to know she thought so highly of me, but I didn't agree with her... at all. She often let us know that she was readily availabe to talk if we needed to or to ask if we had questions.
So I scheduled an appointment with Mrs. P. I broke instantly. I told her I've spent 2 years in these education classes and I wasn't really all that excited. I mean, I enjoyed them, but I wasn't passionate about all the projects we had to do, and I wasn't excited about starting my student teaching like everyone else was. I told her I wasn't sure if this is what I should be doing.
She assured me that she knew I'd be a great teacher, and she said, "You are comparing yourself to everyone else. Your life isn't like everyone elses. You are a mother. You are tired. And that's okay. You have other priorities and a bigger focus than a class project or what school you will be student teaching in. It's okay if you don't feel the same as everyone else, because you are not everyone else."
Such obvious statements, but I was completely oblivious. I had been caught up in how much I didn't fit in with the average college kid, when I went in knowing, I wasn't the average college kid.
Thanks to Mrs. P, I was able to step out of the comparison box, enjoy my student teaching, and when Emily was 2 and a half (and completely healthy :)), I graduated with an Elementary Education degree... with absolutely no doubt that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.
 |
| After a year of physical and occupational therapy, heart and lung medication, doctors visits and hospital stays, Emily's medical needs had been met, and she was a completely healthy and happy baby! |
Many people asked me how I finished college with a baby... truth is, if it weren't for Emily, I'm not sure I ever would have.
Mistake: I was comparing myself to everyone else.
Lesson: I'm not like everyone else. And everyone else...is not like everyone else.
No comments:
Post a Comment