reality...

WHERE WAS I RUNNING?

It became clear very early in my pregnancy that I was going to embark on this single mom journey... alone.  I was 22, scared, and lonely.  Rather than accepting what was in front of me, I did everything I could to run from it.  I attempted to escape this reality by chasing the world and distancing myself from my Savior.  I filled my days with work and school, got very little rest, and was sick often.  I figured if I was busy, I wouldn't have time to think about things.  I turned to everything and everyone, hoping that something or someone could make this ok.  And when that didn't work, I isolated and distanced myself, hindering my relationships.

  mistake: I looked to the world to satisfy.
  lesson:  He's the only One Who can.

LEXI, THE HAIRDRESSER

During my 5th month, it was very apparent that I needed to slow down, get some rest, and take better care of myself.  Amongst all that, I wanted to get my hair done... the whole works...cut, layered, highlights.  I called a salon and they scheduled me with Lexi. 

During the hairwash, Lexi revealed that she was 19 and still in the process of getting her beautician's license.  Comforting, right?  It's not everyday I decide to change my hair color and my look.  I was very apprehensive about letting this little 19 year old, who didn't know what she was doing, touch my hair.  But I let her anyway...

As she was cutting, we began talking about the baby in my tummy and about my situation.  Lexi then reveals that at age 19, she is a single mom to a 4 year old girl.  I was astounded to learn that she had been raising her daughter alone since she was 15.  She was working, going to school, being a mom, and she was...  happy?  She was very mature and knowledgeable for a 19 year old and I realized very quickly, I had a lot to learn from her.  Lexi assured me that she had no doubt that I would be a great mom.  She gave me a list of resources and organizations to help get me on my feet.  I left feeling encouraged and realized there was hope, and that I was not alone.

This little 19 year old, who didn't know what she was doing, knew much more than I did.  And my hair looked great.

  mistake:  I was too quick to judge.
  lesson:  He uses people we least expect.

6 MONTH CHECK-UP

On my way to work one morning, I stopped by the doctor's office for my 6 month check-up.  The ultrasound technician said these words exactly, "Baby's hearbeat sounds good, everything looks great, keep up the good work!"

I thanked her and began to walk down the hall toward the Exit.  Halfway down the hall, I had a very strong and overwhelming urge to turn around and go back.  So, I did...

I walked back in the little ultrasound room.  I mentioned that in my prior visit, the doctor said that my placenta was low and I shouldn't do any excercise or heavy lifting.  I asked her if she would mind taking a look again.  She did another ultrasound and assured me that my placenta was fine... but I had no cervix.

She got the doctor.  He did another ultrasound, and insisted on admitting me to the hospital immediately.  Whoa... what just happened!?

I stopped by work and let them know what was going on.  I went home and packed my bag (as the doctor suggested), and drove straight to the hospital.

As I waited for my aunt to arrive, who stayed with me until my mom (3 hours away) could get there, REALITY hit.

That night, my contractions were 4 minutes apart and the nurse spent the entire night doing everything she could to stop the labor.

  mistake:  I tried to escape reality.
  lesson:  Reality strikes anyway.

I wasn't ready for this...